am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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