marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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