Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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