I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
