He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
do nipples grow back?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
