I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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