I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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