So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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