sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
