If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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