If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize