You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
