I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
