I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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