I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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