Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
