I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
