i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
