i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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