I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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