See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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