I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
