I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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