He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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