the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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