I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dignity is for republicans.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
