I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's paint friendship bongs
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
