i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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