he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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