just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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