Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
