ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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