I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
