apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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