fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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