i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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