walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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