I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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