If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
