so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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