He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
