Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
