I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
