working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
