some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize