okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
