Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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