you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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