i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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