Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
