mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
