Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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