i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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