So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
