my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
