I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
