I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
