is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
