RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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