You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
