If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
