I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize