Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
