I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
