i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
