You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
